Bitterness
by cartuneslover17
Summary: (AU fanfic) She could only imagine how Fear, Anger, and Disgust would react to her newfound feelings. None of them would ever expect the most mellow of the emotions to verbally tear the happiest. But Sadness was through being a pushover, and Joy needed to stop being such a happy thorn in Riley's palm.


**_This was a recent RP I had done with my good friend from Deviantart victortky. Straight after "Child of Ours", I often wondered when would be a good time to post this. Well, just earlier today I received an email saying I didn't get the job; my heart had been so put on it, especially since the interview had gone better than I hoped. Believe me, I was in tears when I saw the email. Then I was worried because now I would have to job hunt all over again. Then I was disgusted because I realized maybe applying for them was a stupid idea. Then I was PISSED OFF because they dropped me when I had more potential than even half the candidates they were interviewing._**

 ** _And in the end I felt happy. Because that meant I can have more me time, especially with my fanart and fanfics and anything else that gave me joy._**

 ** _I found a good reason to post this._**

 ** _Please read and review.  
__**

The blue emotion remained despondent and expressionless as Joy dragged her through Long Term Memory. The feel of ground running under Sadness's back was ineffective, mostly because she had spent a great deal with her face down on it. The core memories were safely inside Joy's sack, bouncing along with her step as she kept up her positivity. Something which Sadness could not possess no matter how hard she tried.

Right now they had to figure a way back to Headquarters. No doubt Riley's mind was already getting out of control, and Joy was worried that Fear, Anger, and Disgust would wreck her optimistic mood. Which was why the yellow emotion was hurrying Sadness, continuously gripping her by the leg as they ventured.

The whole landscape of Long Term Memory was like a maze. Sadness's voice did have some truth to it: To the unwary, anyone would easily get lost...and probably be forgotten forever.

One who got lost there might as well become nothing more than a forgotten memory. To Joy that was almost funny, but not being there for Riley was no laughing matter! She and Sadness needed to get home to HQ before anything else would end unhappily for their kid.

What happened earlier in the classroom was one of the worst moments Joy had ever witnessed. And without her being Riley's leading emotion, things would only get worse. Not to say she doubted Fear, Anger, and Disgust, but they mostly did as their names implied. This was not how Joy wanted Riley's first day at school to go, let alone her first week in San Francisco.

Where was happiness without the yellow emotion? Riley needed the positivity she had used these past eleven years, and the thought made Joy more determined to find home.

Dragging Sadness by her leg, Joy wondered if she was just going to be a mopey sack on the floor for the entire journey. The last thing she wanted was all this negativity slowing her down...not that she was putting that against her friend. With the aisles of memories becoming further and wider, a little bit of worry invaded Joy's thoughts. But she was not Fear, she was the most confident emotion of all.

The others needed her. Riley needed her. Even Sadness obviously needed her!

Shelves filled with memory orbs were stacked as high as the eyes could see. There was no direction, no arrows or even a map to help point them in the right path. Despite the fact that Joy had tried to maintain her positivity, she had a nagging feeling that she and Sadness might be a bit lost.

But she was certain they would come across something sooner or later! After all, HQ was surrounded by islands, and Joy knew each of them was a spectacular place worth the duration of the journey.

She had to go on. Because Riley needed her than even all the emotions combined. And one minor setback was not going to keep her away from being there for her kid!

Joy kept her nose high, pulling at Sadness who hardly said much save for a few unenthusiastic groans as she was dragged. She didn't seem to care about being on the ground nor having to be resorted to this. It made Joy wonder how bad it would have been had Sadness taken more control of Riley's mind.

The poor kid would be swimming in her own unnecessary tears, miserable for no apparent reason! Riley was not to be miserable, she was to be smiling and _always_ smiling! What portion of life was there to be sad about? It wasn't like Riley had anything to be sad about! But without Joy at the controls, Riley would not be happy. Just a mix if disaster depending on how the others were doing...

Joy bit her lip, trying to remain positive as she thought about what would be happening back at HQ. When she got back, she would probably have a lot to fix depending on what damage the others had done. They would be, of course, reminded of what their tasks were to help Riley. Not to mention Joy was the leader of them all, so that meant her orders were not to be overlooked or ignored.

Right now it seemed like they were reaching some end of Long Term Memory. And if Joy recalled, somewhere on their path just might be Imagination Land. There, she and Sadness might find a stop for the Train of Thought, which would lead back to HQ.

However, her strength was ebbing away as she kept dragging Sadness way down another path, which looked no different from the others they had just walked through moments ago.

"Where is it..." Joy mumbled to herself. "Where is it..."

Sadness merely watched as Joy continued dragging her. In some funny way it was almost like she was making Joy do the work of moving them both, and the blue emotion sure was getting a free ride out of it.

Still, her doubts of ever getting back were zero to negative. But who was she to even talk sense to Joy? The yellow emotion was always trying to find a bright side. Even to the most ridiculous and stupidest situations.

Always claiming she was the emotion Riley needed most, and she might as well be right. She always thought she was right even when deep down Sadness believed Joy could be wrong.

They all were. Because in her doubt, none of them seemed to really know what was best for Riley right now.

True, they each loved the child with all their hearts. And Sadness knew Joy's heart was always set on the eleven-year-old. But since this move, it was like she had been forcing Riley into the most discomforting moods. Although Joy was always so caring, she wasn't always so aware.

And right now they were both stuck within Long Term Memory, probably lost since there was no change in their surroundings for the past half hour or so. A few more minutes later Sadness felt the grip on her leg loosen. Joy finally sat down on her legs, panting a little as she felt her strength lessen after journeying for so long.

Turning her eyes around, the blue emotion didn't see much change in their environment. Multicolored orbs lined on the shelves everywhere, more scattered on the ground with bits and pieces of memories that had fallen out of the cracks. Joy hauled her bag of their most personal ones onto her front, mentally counting and relived that none of them were missing.

To think those certain memories had scattered all because Sadness longed to touch one. When had she even laid one in her fingers? Eleven years ago?

That was pure exaggeration. It was merely so rare for Sadness to ever produce a teardrop blue orb that represented her contribution to Riley. She remembered what the collection in HQ looked like: all so brightly gold that it was like Joy's face was plastered on the walls. There were bits of purple, red, and even green, but very few compared to how many were in Joy's favor. And Sadness would be lucky if she was able to spot at least _one_ among the millions of happy memories.

The moment the blue emotion had actually touched that one memory earlier during class, the feeling felt so right. As if Riley needed to experience being sad. Because everything just couldn't be met with a smile. Like the move, leaving Minnesota, a new house, new school, a new city that intimidated Riley like a dog at the pound.

And Joy just couldn't see that. All these years Sadness and the others had allowed Joy to take control. She was, after all, the leading emotion, and had been the first one created when Riley had been born.

But why did that make her so special? Sadness had arrived straight after her, and all the others followed! It wasn't that she hated Joy or anything. At least, she believed she didn't hate Joy...

Yet Sadness had hardly been allowed to touch anything since every single time she did Riley would cry. While the other emotions were fine if she did that, it didn't sit well with Joy at all. Hence Sadness was mostly confined to the "circle" to avoid any unnecessary crying. While Sadness understood that Joy was doing this for Riley's best interests, it seemed to her that she was being alienated. And all this while Joy continued slamming her palm on that button, making sure Riley smiled every second, no matter the circumstance.

She was being selfish, Sadness secretly admitted. And part of her held no qualms that touching that single orb did good for Riley's mind. Joy had made the girl smile in the aftermath of Dad announcing the move, she even had her suck it all up when they arrived at their new home. The yellow emotion even had Riley not think negative when it came to being completely friendless while her friends were thousands of miles away.

Joy may have thought she was doing what was best for Riley, but to Sadness, that was just overall being greedy. Despite proving that she did it because she loved Riley so much, the blue emotion knew that the love was being created selfishly.

Lifting herself up, Sadness watched as Joy held the bag of orbs close to her chest, each one glowing yellow like herself.

Yeah, real greedy...

Sadness couldn't even remember the last time she touched a memory orb. The most recent memories had been taken by the other emotions out of fortune and luck. But Joy still possessed the lion's share of them. Somehow it was like this power of leading also controlled when the others would have their own chances.

Sadness felt something akin to anger stab in her own heart, reasoning that she was definitely being a voice of reason. She may have cried every single time in HQ, or curled up in one corner since school began. But somehow she knew this inferiority would not last long.

Joy _will_ know.

After a while, the blue emotion decided to finally walk. Although it was a silent journey, it was broken by the faint humming of Joy. With Sadness following behind her, their trek was resumed once more...yet this time down another path which eventually opened up into a huge theatre-like place. It could have been ten minutes, but Sadness didn't care, and the sight of the newfound location brightened Joy's face even more.

Without a doubt, they had arrived at Dream Productions.

Even if Sadness wanted to feel the same way, doubt still penetrated her thoughts. Trudging along, the blue emotion gazed at the studio that was where most of Riley's dreams occurred.

The emotions took turns almost every night for Dream Duty, meaning planting either a dream or nightmare in Riley's head. Sadness remembered the many times it was Fear's turn. Most of what he had implanted were often a "warning" to their kid for future interactions with the world. Like the move. Joy had _not_ been pleased about that at all...

She watched as Joy gushed about the studio, watching as every prop of intentional dreaming was brought onto various sets. Riley was an avid dreamer, and she dreamed the sweetest things, which only increased over the years. With darling dreams, there were especially horrid nightmares, but who was Sadness to think it would hurt Riley? After all, it was balancing out for her mind. That was Fear's belief.

Balance. Which was unlike her and a certain other emotion who continued holding the orbs close...

The more Sadness watched Joy hugging the bag of core memories, the more she felt that the leading emotion was possessing an almost narcissistic personality. After all, Joy had often compared herself to Sadness. She had regarded Sadness as a questionable emotion, uncertain of what her true purpose for Riley was. How she proved her love for their child.

But that didn't mean Sadness was not needed. What Joy did not know was that deep down Riley really needed to experience misery. The very essential to any growing child, Sadness knew.

After checking that the memory orbs were safe for the umpteenth time, Joy turned and saw Sadness having stopped in her tracks. The blue emotion played with her fingers, her own feelings becoming complex as these thoughts builded up.

"Come on, Sadness!" Joy urged, cradling the orbs close to her chest "We need to get back to HQ! Riley needs us!"

Joy had expected a stoic groan from the smaller emotion. However, what she did **NOT** expect was a scoff. A _scoff_! The kind Disgust would give out of sheer annoyance! Only this one sounded a lot more bitter...

"Sadness?" Joy began uneasily, gazing at her friend.

The blue emotion said nothing, eyes focused on the ground. However, for a moment Joy thought she saw a _scowl_. The kind Anger often possessed on a daily basis.

"Sadness, come on!" Joy pleaded. "Didn't you hear me? Riley needs us!"

She was taken aback when Sadness shot her a look. One so menacing she could have been Anger painted blue. In all these years, Joy never thought the other emotion would ever frown. Yet the expression right now could have turned her into stone.

"Don't you mean Riley needs _you_?"

That tone was actually cold, and Joy's skin felt pricked by the imaginary ice emerged from Sadness's words.

"What are you talking about, Sadness?" she asked, looking at her in disbelief.

Said emotion felt the rage within build up, a feeling so foreign yet felt so right. "Sure, Riley needs you more than me, isn't that right?" she said hostilely. "Me being the unwanted emotion, forgotten in a corner of woe while you grab every single memory orb that came out of Riley's mind."

Joy swallowed. "Sadness, you're being ridiculous! You know I do what I can to make sure Riley's head is in perfect order."

"That doesn't mean you can boss us around!" the blue emotion snapped, her eyes narrowing. "Especially me...and how can you be so _selfish_?"

Joy gasped at this accusation. "Selfish? Since when have I been selfish? I've been caring for Riley since she was born! You know I would want nothing more than for her to be happy!"

Sadness folded her arms, feeling as if flames would shoot out from her midnight blue locks any moment. "You're making her act like a complete happy-centric freak!"

The yellow emotion took a step back, the usually crisp tone that was Sadness's had been replaced by one that could dominate even Anger's. She never seen her display such character before, even in the depths of personal conversation. She had always been the calm one of the group, despite her depressing exterior. Yet here she was practically ripping Joy's head off!

"I have no idea what you're talking ab-"

"Honestly, Joy!" Sadness gripped, throwing her arms up in frustration. That was usually Anger's doing! "You think everything about the world is worth smiling about?"

She stood up straight, blue eyes blazing viciously that they could have burned Joy on the spot. Neither realized that their voices were able to be heard by passerby Dream Productions inhabitants, some stopping in their tracks to watch them curiously.

"Let me ask you something..." Sadness began, her voice lowering to a deeper and more serious tone. "You think Riley is really happy about the move? For orb's sake, she had to leave her hockey friends behind because of Dad's stupid job!"

Joy swallowed, unsure of how to rebuff this one. She had to admit, leaving her teammates had been a very hard thing for Riley to do.

"You think she likes San Francisco?" Sadness went on, lowering her glasses. The piercing glare she gave chilled Joy even more. "Even the pizza here is messed up! Seriously, Joy, you may think you're trying to make Riley feel better, you're honestly just making it worse for her! What happened earlier in the classroom was the first time in a long time Riley's ever cried! And you know what? That definitely must have felt good! I felt good!"

She could have cried there right now. But for Sadness it would ironically be tears of satisfaction. Because she would not hold anything back. Joy was going to get _everything_ she should have seen coming.

"It's been forever since I touched one of those orbs!" she went on. "Because you're always hogging all of them. And the only reason the others get to touch them is because they have to kiss up to your butt to do so!"

Joy felt her eyes widen and jaw drop, horrified by the language Sadness was using. She had never thought that the blue emotion would be capable of something like this, but everything had a first time. And this was the first time she had ever seen Sadness so mad, and it was terrifying!

Sadness was visibly twitching, her facial expression scrunched up in such anger that it would have put the red emotion to absolute shame. Her tiny fists clenched, so tightly that blue might have become white under the strain.

"I do that because I love Riley!" Joy defended almost desperately. "I was just trying to protect her!"

"You really think making her happy all the time is going to protect her?" Sadness argued.

"Of course!" Joy exclaimed, almost on the verge of tears. "She'll become a positive person!"

Sadness stamped her foot, an act that scared Joy as well as their onlookers.

"No, she won't!" the blue emotion screamed. "She'll end up getting sick because you're always having her bottle up all the other feelings! And then people will be walking all over her because she's in such a good mood that everyone will start taking advantage of that! Even with the others, their own jobs have to be limited compared to _you_!"

Joy was about to say something, but nothing came out of her mouth. She just stared at the fuming emotion who was on the verge of flipping the entire studio upside down.

"Believe it or not, deep down Riley's miserable," Sadness spat, "and you don't even care! You never cared! All you want to see is Riley smile for your own selfish benefit! Every single orb that bears your color is like a trophy you won't share with anyone! Riley's a mess because of you! Her entire mind is jacked up just because your repress me, her one emotion that actually knows how she feels on the inside! But you wouldn't care about that, because you _never_ let me do an actual job!"

She took a few breaths, glaring at the other emotion. Joy just gawked at her, as if Sadness had slapped her repeatedly until her face was numb.

"The way I see it, I bet the others back in HQ are doing a better job than you ever had in the last eleven years! Because now Riley will know what it feels to be **NORMAL**!"

"But I..." Joy squeaked nervously. "I am making her feel normal..."

"Can you even see what you have become, Joy?" Sadness demanded. "You assert yourself over all of us! You may be the first emotion, but that doesn't mean you can take charge _every_ _single time_! We all have our jobs to make Riley a balanced girl, but you take over so much that we hardly have jobs anymore! Almost every single memory orb is of your color! My color I could count on both my hands! Same for the others!"

She could only imagine how Fear, Anger, and Disgust would react to her newfound feelings. None of them would ever expect the most mellow of the emotions to verbally tear the happiest. But Sadness was through being a pushover, and Joy needed to stop being such a happy thorn in Riley's palm.

"It's not fair, Joy! And it's not fair to Riley!"

She breathed through gritted teeth, allowing more of her bottled up fury to flow out. Her armor-piercing glare ripped through the remaining emotional barriers that was within the bright yellow emotion. Joy was a complete loss for words, standing there as Sadness spoke to her like trash off the street.

"We are in this mess because of you!" Sadness spat. "I actually did my job. You messed up! Big time!"

Joy could only stare at her, the weight of all the orbs in her possession becoming almost too heavy for her. Never did she see Sadness like this, speaking on her behalf like Mrs. Anderson in a foul mood. Speaking up for the other emotions. And for Riley. At this point Joy wasn't sure what positive response she could give her friend. For the first time she was starting to feel doubt.

"Sadness..."

However, just as she reached for her, the blue emotion backed away, almost as if Joy was made of acid. For a moment Joy thought she heard Sadness hiss, something that she had never done before. It was almost frightening.

"Don't even try, Joy," she scoffed. "You've never tried in the past, you'll never be able to try now."

She took a step back, hatred oozing out her blue eyes that darkened like her mood.

"Go on," she urged mockingly. "Go back to Riley. See if I care that you end up killing her with your cheerfulness. It's not like you'd ever stop anytime soon."

"Sadness..." Joy tried again, her heart breaking into a million pieces.

But the blue emotion looked away from her, glaring at the ground to allow herself to simmer a bit. She and Joy never exactly looked eye to eye, and it wasn't going to happen any time soon. As sweet as she was, Sadness refused to allow herself be bossed around by her anymore.

"Oh, Sadness..." Joy moaned, feeling hurt by the rebuff. "Please, I...

But the blue emotion held up a hand, silencing her on the spot.

"You're not going to charm out this time, Tinkerbell!" she snapped. "I am through being your shadow and the least most significant one in your judgment! In fact, I don't think I even want to go to HQ with you! I'll find my own way back! My own "positive" route or whatever! You can just take your orbs and drag them back home yourself! At least during that time Riley will start feeling like a _normal_ person without someone shoving happiness down her neurological nerve!

Joy stared at her in horror. "But-"

"Just shut up, Joy!" Sadness screamed, her voice able to be heard all the way from Imagination Land. "For once, just shut up! You'd be doing Riley a _big_ favor if you did!"

Before Joy even could say anything at all, Sadness dashed off, refusing to show her tears to the person she disliked more than she ever knew. The yellow emotion tried to call out to her, but Sadness refused to take orders from her any longer. Joy could only watch as Sadness rushed down the studio lot, disappearing behind ongoing characters and props.

Joy tried to chase after her, but she vanished so quickly that the yellow emotion lost sight immediately. Her feet growing heavy with dread, Joy collapsed onto her legs, knowing that she had been brutally ripped into with mere words. But there was cold, hard truth in each and every one of them. All coming from the one emotion she never expected would tear her down like this.

Looking into the core memory orbs which were safe in her bag, Joy saw them shimmering and a sparkle of blue still glowed within them. She felt something pour into herself, knowing that Sadness was right in justifying her actions. All around the inhabitants of Dream Productions stared, and Joy felt had the urge to just run into the nearest dark room and curl up in a corner, probably to cry her heart out.

Now she knew how Sadness felt every day she was never given a chance to assist Riley's mind. Now Joy knew what it was like to feel unsure of herself, and pretty much alone in her own little world. Her own little, depressing world.

She gazed at the orb, seeing the memory that had formerly shone her starlight yellow glow. For some reason the blue hues of it worked perfectly. And as she ran her fingers over it, somehow she could feel the touch of Sadness. And it was perfect for this memory.

Ignoring all the stares, even Rainbow Unicorn whom Joy would have gushed over immediately, the lone emotion pathetically picked herself up from the floor. She refused to show her tears to anyone, just like her friend had always done. Slinging the burdensome orbs onto her shoulder, she carried on with the weight of both memories and a heavy heart. She wanted to be positive that maybe she would come across Sadness on this long, lonely journey.

But since when did being positive ever help with what mattered the most?  
_


End file.
